just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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