we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
