Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
