i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
