Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
