My first STD was from a foam party
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
