You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
