he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
