I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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