No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
