i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
