the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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