i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
