he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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