I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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