dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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