I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
