considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
