believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I love having hate sex.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
