Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
