Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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