Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
