The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
As shirtless as possible
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize