i always forget guys have bellybuttons
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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