you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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