Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
