I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
