you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
