Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
