I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
