conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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