My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
