she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize