i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my being single is dangerous.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
