Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
