On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I need water and some morals
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
