when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
