I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize