U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
