I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize