They should really pass out barf bags in church
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
