hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
