Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
