I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
