i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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