The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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