Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
