Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Two words: blizzard sex
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
