Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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