I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
