How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i think my cat just said my name.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
