I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
