Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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