i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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