dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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