woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm too high and old for this...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
