I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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