Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
