if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize