do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize