Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
