Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize