She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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