Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
