I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
