marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
