I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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