Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
