maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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