You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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