ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
