Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
