I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
