No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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